*POOF* went the plan

Today I found I will not be able to go back to school in the Fall. It takes living in Texas for a full 12 months prior to the start of a semester to be considered a resident (even for community college). And that won’t be until NEXT SUMMER. If I’m not a resident I can still attend but the tuition/fees are way more than I want to pay for a community college education.

Honestly…I’m more than a little crushed. I was super excited to be going back to school to study the stuff that makes me tick. (Even if it was just at a community college level.) And Kevin being the good husband that he is had been researching the process for me. The poor guy came across the residency requirements this afternoon. I'm sure he really didn't want to tell me that my plans were about to be smooshed by bureaucracy. He knew that I had finally figured out what I wanted to do and we had a rough plan to make it happen.

And I like plans. I like them a lot. I find great comfort in having a vague idea of what life will look like in the near future. And up until this afternoon, my near future had me going back to school in the Fall.

So I now have no plan.

NO PLAN!!

NONE.

To say that I’ve been freaking out a little bit would be kind of an understatement.

Seriously…what am I supposed to do with myself for a year before I can go back to school? Get a job? Okay… doing what? One of the reasons I want to go back to school is so that if I want to work in the future, I am qualified to get a job I actually enjoy because the thought of going back to being a legal assistant makes me want to vomit. Seriously, just thinking about it makes me sick inside. I guess I could do the retail thing but I have a serious lack of self control and would bring home little to no paycheck. On the upside, I would have a plethora of cute stuff while giving our local economy a boost.

So here I am.

For the first time in my life, I am completely unsure of the path I am supposed to take and I am really really confused. I am also sad. What does God want me to do? Who am I supposed to be down here? What will people think of me? What is life supposed to look like? Where do I fit in?

On top of gaining the skills to do things that I want to know how to do, I was really looking forward to going to school for the social aspect. The isolation of being home all day has recently started to kick my butt. Going back to school was the light at the end of a tunnel. I would get to rejoin humanity. I would feel a part of something greater than myself. I would be working towards a goal again. I would get to be around people that aren't Kevin (not knocking Kevin in ANY way...he rocks...but it would be nice to talk to someone who can't finish my sentences).

So now what.

Kevin and I have spent a lot of time talking about this today. A LOT of time. And let me just give some props to my awesome husband. He is my rock. He immediately started researching other options for me. He found a place that offers 7 week art courses and they look pretty decent. I think I will start with a drawing class and if it's not to hoaky then I will take some more. So there’s one day a week taken care of.

What about the rest?

I don’t know.

I will be spending a lot of time with God in the coming days, weeks and months. I need to get “still” and and let Him do the rest. That is the extent of my planning for now. One art class and a lot of time with my Maker.

I am sorry if this is long and rambly and crazy. I just couldn’t sleep with all this bouncing around in my head.

Maybe I can now.