Waiting for something to catch my eye

I had a good weekend and I am feeling more upbeat about the upcoming year than I was a few days ago. God has reminded me that He brought us down here. He wants us here. He has never ever in my life made something more obvious to me than the fact that we are are supposed to be right here, right now. I can't tell you how comforting it has been to rest in that knowledge. I just wish the part of me that always needs to know "why" would take a rest, too. But the why of it keeps pecking away in my mind.

On one hand, it’s pretty clear. It’s what paid for us to get down here… Kevin’s job. I get that part. I know why he’s supposed to be here. But we are a package deal…where he goes I go and all that. So what am I supposed to do while I’m here with him?

I thought I knew. I thought my path was pretty clear and it was taking me towards my degree. It made sense that’s what I should be doing and I had FINALLY figured out what I wanted that degree to be in. Art. Specifically, illustration. And there is a pretty decent school around here for that if I could get accepted (I was hoping that classes at the community college could help me put together a portfolio that didn’t look like a 5 year old did it). See! It all seemed to be flowing so nicely together with one thing leading into another.

Then all of a sudden that path came to an abrupt halt ending at a very large meadow. And the meadow, it is pretty. All green grass with wild flowers and butterflies. Large branchy trees to read under with streams melodically meadering by. Fireflies to chase at night and millions of stars to look up at and be amazed by. It’s pretty great, actually, but meadows are never destinations in which one should stay for long.

Meadows are generally there to refresh and refill the body and soul before the next leg of a journey. But as I look around I don’t see any particular outlet for my meadow. The next destination in my journey is not apparent. I don’t need to know the destination, I suppose, but as I look around I don’t even see a the beginning of a path to take. No path at all, anywhere.

Now I’m confused. Should I continue to head in that direction I was originally heading? Or is this God’s way of saying that I should go another way? The more I think about it the more unsure I get. So please pray for me to have some quick clarity. I don’t want the whole picture, just some sparkle of clarification on what I should do while I’m here.

Until then, I think I’m gonna try and take a break from thinking about it, sit down and look around my meadow. Who knows, maybe I’ll see something sparkly and wander over in that direction and find my path again.