Lately, I’ve been having a kind of circular conversation with God. It sounds very similar to conversations being had in many vehicles this summer between parents and their children.
“Are we there yet?”
No.
“Are we there yet?”
No.
“Are we there yet?”
No.
The kids want the journey to be over already. Despite their air conditioned comfort, the plethora of snack and beverage options and their many entertainment choices all they want is to be wherever they are going and to be there RIGHT NOW. But they aren’t yet and no amount of whining about it will get them there any sooner. And as much as they’d want their parents to pull over and say “Yep! We’re here! The fun can begin!” They probably wouldn’t want the reality of their parents pulling over in the middle of Nowhere, USA and being told that because of their whining they will now be playing hide & seek in acres of cornfields for the next week rather than seeing princesses and riding rollercoasters at a certain uber fun amusement park that they would have arrived at in 5 hours had they been patient.
That is, in a nutshell, what I have been doing. I’m ready to be at my destination already. I just want to be "there" rightthisverysecondthankyouverymuch. I’m whining at Him and railing against His timing. And that is not a good thing.
I was praying about my impatience and frustration one night and in the quickest response to a prayer EVER, God placed in my mind the Children of Israel and their looooong march through the desert, their impatience, disbelief & disobedience. I bet that they had many whiney conversations with God asking if they were there yet.
He had a plan for them. He freed them. He was taking care of all of their needs and giving them more than clear guidance about where He wanted them to go (hello there, large pillar of fire and cloud!) and all they had to do was believe in his provision and follow where He took them while he fed them and met their needs. But despite the in-their-face way God was providing for them (mana, quail, water from rocks) they still struggled (and an entire generation epically failed) in trusting Him. I used to think they were such dummies. And now I see how easy it is to fall into their ranks.
I’m marching around the proverbial desert right now. I’m having my needs more than adequately met and instead of celebrating and finding joy and contentment in the amazing ways God has and is providing I have been, unfortunately, whining about what feels to be the bland and boring now. I've walked by the same ole scenery so many times that it's hard for me to see the miraculous in it any more. I struggle against His leading because I feel like I’m not getting anywhere even though I know that I am. I know that every day takes me one day closer to where He is leading me but I have a hard time living in the right now without knowing the when, what or how of the future. I just want to be THERE already.
I know that there is value in the journey. That there is value in the daily walking because it is getting me one step closer to where He would have me end up. And it is one more day I am being refined by His patient love and one more day of maturity so that when this part of the journey is over I am who I need to be.
And so I am learning to quiet the whine that wells up inside me. I do NOT want to end up in the middle of nowhere twiddling my thumbs and wondering what kind of awesome would have been if I’d just stayed in my seat a little bit longer. So I’m praying for patience & wisdom to do as much (or as little) as God calls me to today and see where He takes me tomorrow.
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