A Big Empty Space

My grandpa died last night.

My mom called and told me at 5 this morning and I have been awake since then.

I’ve never had anyone I’ve known pass away before. I’m 31 and have never experienced death.

I’m currently unsure of what to feel. I’m somewhat removed from my emotions. I think it’s because I’m here in Dallas and everyone else is in Boise. I feel mostly just upset. My stomach is on edge like it is when I think I’m about to get in trouble for doing something wrong.

This all has made being at work today an interesting experience. I’m frantically trying to wrap up loose ends before being gone for a week that I wasn’t planning on being gone for and it’s like swimming through mud. I can’t really focus but I know I need to but I keep forgetting what I’m trying to focus on. I guess it's the stereotypical haze that people say they walk around it but I've never experienced it before. I don't like it very much.

My head is pounding and I’m very tired but other than that I’m doing ok right up until I’m trying to tell people that I won’t be here next week and then have to tell them why. One second I’m matter of fact about it and then *WHAMMY* out of nowhere I get overwhelmed with sad and there are tears welling up.

I don’t like to cry in front of people. Especially not these people.

I’m not particularly sad because he has died. I know where he is. I know that he’s not hurting anymore and that his body is no longer hindering him and that is so wonderful. But it will be very empty in the family now and that makes my heart break.

People are so irreplaceable. It’s such a weird thing for him to just not be there anymore. My mind is struggling with the concept. It’s very strange to me.

Maybe once I’m back in Boise it will make more sense. Or maybe it will just be more confusing, I don’t know. Either way, I’ll be in Boise celebrating his life with my family from Sunday through Saturday. I don’t know if I will blog while I am there but if you are in Boise and want to meet up with me I should be checking Facebook on a regular basis so let me know and I’ll see what I can do.

Lovin' It Monday

In an effort to start the week off on a postive note, every monday I plan on posting something that I'm loving.

Right now that something is this lil' elephant named Wellington. He was created and filmed by Andrew and Melissa Frueh.



If you click on the photo it will take you to the video. Please do..it's quite delightful.

Lazy Listy Thursday

Ugh, this week has been one of those that just go on and on and on. I wish it were Friday night I was looking forward to sleeping in. Instead I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to wear tomorrow and since I haven't done laundry in fooooorever nothing fabulous is coming to mind.

bleh.

What to write what to write....I'm wanting to post but actual paragraphs seem too involved so its a list for you!

1. After 294 days of ignoring the Wii Fit, we broke him out again and what he told me was quite disheartening. In fact, I may or may not have immediately left for the gym after receiving the news that I somehow gained 10 pounds since the last time I used Wii Fit. And I may or may not be still sulking 3 days (and 3 trips to the gym) later.

I think it was quite a surprise especially because I've been trying to be so good about working out and eating well and think i've lost about 3-4 pounds recently so I wasn't expecting the weight gain that the evil Wii Fit not very gently let me know about.

2. Kevin and I are obsessed with So You Think You Can Dance. Love. Love. Love. I wish all the dancers could stay. What they can do with their bodies BLOWS MY MIND.

3. We are also loving Wipeout. Ha ha. It's so funny to watch those crazy people who are obviously out of shape and think that sheer force of will is going to get them through. It takes an amazing athlete to make it through and win that insane obstacle course. Big Balls!

4. I really want to cut my hair. Like all off up to my chin. I have this urge about every 2 years and regret it every time and spend the next couple years growing it back out and then the urge hits and I do it again convicing myself that this time will be the magical time and it will be wonderful and I will love it. I never do. Ack. But I really really want to!!! Maybe I should just buy a wig.

5. We are currently on a hummus and pita kick here in the Reitz household. We've been buy the giant Costco size and going through it in about about 2 or 3 weeks. We eat hummus and pitas for dinner about 3 times a week. The Super Target near my work sells a super delish whole wheat flat bread that tastes amazing with the hummus. Just talking about it makes me hungry!

Well that's a quick update from me. Hope your week is going faster than mine!

7 Years

This weekend marks my 7th year of being married to my very best friend.

It's kind of crazy to think about all we've gone through and know that there is so so much more ahead.

Good times. Bad times. Laughing. Crying. Dancing. Eating. Traveling. Learning.

This weekend was one of our best anniversaries yet and we didn't really do anything special. We just connected with each other and had a mini-adventure here in the Dallas area. We didn't go to a fancy restaurant or stay at a cute bed and breakfast. There were no candles or roses or chocolates.

Instead we went to a new part of town and ate at a restaurant we'd never been to and talked and laughed out on the patio and enjoyed the beautiful weather. It was 80ish with low humidity and a strong breeze that felt wonderful. The kind of weather that makes your soul feel alive and reconnect with that little kid that used to run in the sprinklers.

We didn't talk about anything special or lovey dovey. It was just nice to be together without any sort of distractions. After lunch we walked around this funky little arts district holding hands and popping in and out of the funky little art shops.

There was a really cool bookstore that had a great selection of books and a warm inviting atmosphere. I fell in love with all of their beautiful children's books and wished I had a $1,000 to buy them all. There is something so wonderful about kids books and I get lost in their illustrations and whimsicality. Kevin found a cool book about a gigantic sailboat and it made us remember how someday we'd like to sail around the San Juan islands. Someday!

Before the bookstore was this absolutely amazing little shop. It was a place that sold the work of many different artists. Most of them were WAY off the beaten path and nowhere near mainstream. We were there for probably 45 minutes looking at all of the crazy and wonderful things that came out of someone's imagination.

I'm quite certain that we missed much of the symbolism that was woven into the mixed media pieces but they were just so fun to look at that we didn't really care that we had no idea what they meant. I, of course, forgot to take pictures of those because was too distracted by how cool they were.

Some of our very favorites were quite creepy and cute at the same time. I couldn't stop looking at them even though I very much wanted to. We think they were made up of at least 2-3 different types of animal bones.



One of our favorite pieces and one that we both agreed that if we'd had an extra $1,200 laying around we would have seriously considered purchasing was this guy.



A sea turtle made out of some sort of industrial metal with seaweed tealight holders made from rebar. It was simple and beautiful and I loved it. Alas, I don't see us ever being comfortable spending that much money on an art piece but I sure wish we could!

Once Kevin had let me explore the shops to my heart's content we headed off to see the movie UP.

HOLY CRAP.

It was such a great movie. It was kind of a perfect anniversary movie as its about the epic love of a man and wife. After they have lived a long and simple but loving life the wife dies leaving her husband feeling the need to live the adventure that they'd always talked about but never been able to do.

I'm not ashamed to say that I cried at least 3 times. I think Kevin's sleeve was a bit damp by the end of the movie.

Not only was the storyline AWESOME, the entire movie was total eye candy. There was one scene that I found completely breathtaking (when the hundreds of balloons that he's tied to his house to carry him to South America are released from their covering and bump bump bump their way into each other and up into the sky).

We fell in love with all of the characters from Doug the talking golden retriever to Kevin the gigantic FEMALE bird that they are trying to save. And the relationship between the old man and the little boy that inadvertently comes along for the ride is just so sweet and fun to watch unfold. This movie is definitely in my top 10 movies of all time.

Ok. So basically what I'm saying is GO SEE IT! Right away, please.

After the movie we walked over and grabbed some bubble tea and headed home to work on the presents we were making for each other. We decided this year we would make each other something. It didn't have to be expensive or anything extravagant, just something meaningful and from the heart. And being the procrastinators that we both are, we of course, waited until the night before our anniversary to start working on them.

I took a box I'd been saving for a special something or other and figured that now was its time. I took my wood burner and burned the words "for always" into the top and then did a watercolor wash in blues and greens. I went around the house and gathered little mementos of our life together and put them in the box symbolizing the adventures we've had and the ones that are to come. I didn't realize that it had been years since Kevin had seen some of them so it was super awesome to see his face when he opened the box this morning.

Kevin put together a playlist of love songs that expressed the way he felt for me along with the lyrics to each song and a little note about why he picked each one. Let's just say I was glad I hadn't put my makeup on yet as the tears flowed freely and often.

All in all this weekend has been a really great time of reconnecting and reminiscing and remembering why we love each other and the things that have brought us this far. I feel so badly for people who don't "get" marriage and feel that it's an antiquated institution. They are missing out on one of the most amazing experiences. To be truly loved and known by someone with the promise that no matter how ugly or how hard life gets they will be there is the greatest comfort and joy that could be had.

Kevin, I love you with all my heart and am so glad that you are my partner in this great and crazy adventure. Thank you for the 7 best years of my life.

Sometimes Vintage is Awesome and Sometimes Not So Much

Lately I've been channeling my creative energies towards sewing. I found a pattern for a cute grocery bag that I thought looked pretty simple and I had visions of sewing them up by the dozens for gifts.

That is until the first one took me ELEVEN HOURS.

Because I'm special and was unaware that thread can go bad which means that it was a less than stellar idea for me to use thread left over from when my mom used to sew me costumes for school plays.

Many additional hours of frustration later and after having a professional seamstress look at my machine, put it back to normal and admonish me sternly about its proper settings, bobbin placement and the merits of new thread ... a bag now takes me an hour and half (if the moon and stars are aligned just right and I'm wearing my lucky undies).

Anyhoo.

We celebrated my friend Kara's birthday this weekend and I made her one out of some amaaaazing vintage sheets I thrifted when Kevin's parents were in town.

The outside.



The lining.



All rolled up and ready to be stashed away in a purse.



And finally tucked in a gigantic plastic cupcake liner I found and about to be presented to the birthday girl.



That's what I've been up to in my free time...how 'bout you?

Scens from My Life Tuesday

The wall above our tv had been blank for over a year because I couldn't figure out what to put there. There are three different walls (each a different width) that make up the tv nook and for the life of me I just couldn't come up with any idea I loved. And I still haven't. I just got tired of looking at a blank wall.

So one day I took apart a scrapbook paper pack my mom gave me for Christmas, affixed sheets of it to poster board and sticky tacked it to the wall.

Done.

It doesn't really look finished to me but it looks WAY better than blank wall. yay!!! The suitcases are vintage and we've been collecting them since we were first married.

The books on the suitcases are a collection of a few of my most cherished childhood books (well, all of them except the baseball book, that one is just there for extra height). I love that they are out and I can see them every day! It helps me feel connected to my past through my present.



What are some of your favorite household treasures?

Fort Worth

Over the long weekend, Kevin's parents came to visit us. It was their first time down to see us so we drove around a lot and showed them all of the cool parts of Dallas and Fort Worth. Well, probably not all since we are still pretty new to the area and are finding out new stuff all the time.

For the most part I didn't take that many photos but I did take quite a few the day we went to Fort Worth.

Enjoy!



The Fort Worth Stockyards are one of the most touristy parts of Texas, I think. But it was still cool to go and see that part of western history and imagine what it must have been like back then.

There are cowboys and cowgirls dressed up in authentic garb and on their horses and then twice a day this street gets a taste of the old west with a "cattle drive".




Hmmph. Cattle drive.

It's about 10 longhorns hustled down about a block and then they go to a pasture to graze during the day. I was very dissappointed. I'm not sure what I was expecting though. Maybe more cows? Maybe cows that didn't look bored? I don't know.



The highlight of my time at the Stockyards was Big Jake.



He has a saddle and if you have $5, you can sit on him. I didn't have $5 so there is no picture of me grinning from ear to ear on top of Big Jake. Because I would have had the most idiotic huge smile on my face if I could have sat on top of that giant cow. *sigh* Next time I'll bring $5.



psst...if you look closely in the background you will see my mother in law, Kathy, at the picnic table. We brought a yummy lunch and had a delightful picinic. The weather was surprisingly nice.

After the Stockyards we went to the Log Cabin Village about 10 minutes away. It's set in a pretty little wooded area and I loved it there.



There were about 6 cabins that had been relocated to the property and inside they were set up with furniture and items that would have been used during that time.

My favorite was an old mill with a working water wheel.





There were also docents in period dress throughout the area and they offered helpful glimpses into life back then.



This cabin was especially cool because it was divided into 2 rooms by a breezeway. On one side was the kitchen/dining area and the other a living/sleeping area. This helped to keep the heat from the kitchen out of the sleeping areas in the summer. Bleh. I don't even want to think about Texas in the summer without airconditioning!!



There was also a cabin that was full of replicas of old timey things that gave people a chance to feel and experience the lifestyle without worry about damaging antiques. It was pretty cool.

My favorite was this morter and pestle. They had coffee beans and dried grains that you could smash up. I found it oddly relaxing and have been trying to figure out what possible use I could have for one.



After that we did a brief driving tour of downtown Fort Worth (which is GORGEOUS!) and I saw this groovy old building with a suit of armor at the top of it!



We had an overall lovely weekend visit with Kathy and Larry and were so glad that they could come and visit us. Now our guest room is empty and sad and lonely. Would anyone like to come and stay for a while?

Welcome to My New Schedule

I've always been someone who valued routine but not necessarily schedules. I get distracted too easily and always end up way behind on the schedule. I found that kind of discouraging so I gave up and just figured that I was the type of girl that needs an idea of a plan without the restrictions of a timeline. But I'm seeing that now as less character trait and more character flaw (lack of discipline).

By saying I want to do xy&z without a timeline to do it left me too much freedom to do everyting and nothing at all. And that's not working for me any longer (truthfully it never really worked!)

So today I put together a schedule for my evenings.

6-6:45 go to the gym
7-7:30 dinner
7:30-8 chores
8-8:30 blog, journal or catch up on e-mails
8:30-9:30 creative time
9:30 -11 free time in 1/2 hour chunks to be used as necessary (time with Kevin, more creative time etc)
11-11:30 get ready for bed
11:30 lights out

I fully expect this schedule to be modified until it matches my needs/lifestyle but so far so good! In fact, tonight I have followed my schedule to the minute and am amazed at how freeing it has been. I thought I would feel really constricted and oppressed by the clock (tick tock tick tock tick tock) and that following a schedule would be a struggle for me. Instead, I've found that using up my entire block of time to accomplish a task has give me the freedom to do it thoroughly and not feel rushed to do the next thing.

For example, I was cleaning the kitchen and kept thinking that I needed to hurry up so I could blog. But then I would realize that I had still 15 minutes left to clean and I didn't need to hurry at all! I could take my time and really put things away where they needed to go. I found that what I thought would take 15 minutes really only took 5. So I had another 10 whole minutes to straighten up the living room and my reading nook.

When 8:00 came around I was pretty surprised at how much I had accomplished in my half an hour and was able to sit down to at my laptop guilt free. I hadn't rushed to get things done and I also wasn't using blogging to procrastinate doing something else by blogging because that something else had either already been taken care of or would be taken care of at its alotted time.

And now it's 8:30, time to sew!

Yay for schedules!!

Sweatpants vs Being Creative

It has been a long long time since I have blogged. I just haven't had it in me. I go to work and communicate with people all day long. I put on a happy face and outgoing persona and solve all their problems. I expend sooo much energy throughout my day just being nice to people that when I get home I don't have much left in me.

This is unfortunate because I really really want to be creative when I get home. I want to have something to show for my evenings. During my down time at work, I look out the window and I think about all of the things I want to do that night. I daydream of all of the projects that I will accomplish in the 4-5 hours before bed.

Blogging! Sewing! Painting! Getting rock hard abs!!

I compose blog posts in my head. I might even take some photos.

I think and plan out what I want to sew and where I will put it or who I'll give it to.

I sketch out what I want to paint.

I visualize myself doing crunches while Kevin and I watch our shows that night.

Man, oh, man! It will be a great evening.

And then I drive home.

Go to the gym (30-45 minutes of cardio).

Come home and eat some sort of food (sometimes it's an actual meal and sometimes just a substantial snack).

Then I make the mistake of sitting down. And once I sit down, I don't want to get up again. I try to motivate myself by thinking of all of the things I wanted to work on that night. I might even look at the list of things I wrote down just precisely for that reason...to help me be inspired to push through and git 'r done.

But it doesn't really motivate me. It just makes me think that the afternoon Me is a very ambitious idealistic person with a poor grasp on reality because the evening Me just wants her sweatpants, a glass of wine and the remote control.

Not surprisingly, 4 out of 5 nights the evening Me wins. That is why my poor lil' blog sits stagnant for weeks.

Fooey.

I hate that kind of life. I want to be better. More purposeful. Mind over matter and all that.

I think this week I will set aside some dreaming time to dream up an evening schedule. I don't want to just exist through this time in my life. I want to have something to show for it. I want to live with purpose and meaning (and still find time for my sweats and wine!).

I'll be back tomorrow with what I come up with.

Happy Friday

Hi Everyone....

I know I haven't been posting much lately. I've been processing a lot and think that in the next week I'll have some posts up with some answers about the direction my life will be headed.

Until then, please enjoy this awesome video of Maru. He's pretty much the bomb diggidy.