Emergency Shoe Shopping Required

Hi....just in case you all wanted to know what I'm doing right this very second, I thought I would post and let you know.

I'm currently in as much as a fetal position as one can be while typing from a laptop on, well...my lap. It's a terribley thunderstormy type of a day here in the Dallas Metroplex (that's what people who live here call it, the Metroplex). The wind is nuts-o and the the thunder, whoo boy, the thunder. It is LOUD and sudden and makes me jump nearly out of my skin every time. The loud and sudden of it sends the cats scurrying this way and that. And if I fit, I would be hiding under the bed with them. And then because that isn't exciting enough every hour our so we get Noah-esque rain.

I haven't always been scared of thunder and storms and such. In fact, I thought they were pretty nifty. You know, back when I lived in Idaho. But those things I enjoyed were not storms. Nope, they were light drizzles of precipitation with some gentle heavenly applause.

I've come to the conclusion that Idaho storms are sissies. They are pansies. They are the French. (I kid...I'm sure the French totally kick butt in their own special way). Texas storms would make Idaho storms hang their head in shame. Texas storms eat Idaho storms for breakfast.

Ok. You get the point.

And, of course, Kevin isn't home right now. This leaves me alone in a city with a large Tornado siren. A TORNADO SIREN! To warn about TORNADOS.

People, I am not good in a crisis WITH Kevin around. I walk around saying "okay, okay, okay, okay.....okay." Like if I just say "okay" enough times then everything really will just magically be okay. And it kind of is because then Kevin makes everything all better. Because that's what he does.

So what is one supposed to do in case of Tornado when not equipped with a storm cellar or a Kevin. I've been told to get in a bathtub with a mattress over me.

WHAT!?

A. How am I supposed to wrangle a queen size mattress all by myself with my extremely awkward t-rex grasp and pathetic upper body strength?

and

B. How in the world is me in a bathtub covered by a mattress supposed to keep me from getting sucked up a tornado with a one-way ticket to Oz??

I don't know about you but I'm thinking I need to get myself some sparkly red shoes in a size 7 ASAP. You know, as a backup plan.

ps....there are no tornado warnings in effect for the area today. My hyperactive imagination just gets a little wacked out when the thunder starts and I start thinking of worst case scenarios. And I like shoe shopping.